Absence and the Heart

During a two hour heart-to-heart with one of my fave cousins in the PI last night, it was mentioned how this blog provided a refreshing insight to my life and the person that I am. Apparently, according to Ms. Liza, this has been the first time I have opened myself up as far as my feelings, inner demons, and such. I guess I have presented myself as more guarded in the past? Hmmm. The more I pondered this thought, the more I have come to realize that this particular development of my persona did not reveal itself until after I met the hub. This realization has then led to an epiphany enumerating the other changes that have arisen from this relationship.
Pre-Och, I had a reputation as a crass, un-filtered, and outspoken cynic. I had my share of early heartaches and road bumps, much of which had contributed to that identity. I could pick and win a fight before the other knew it was coming. Faith in love, destiny, and the like just belonged in fairy tales. Now, it seems the boy had the power to turn me into a big glob of mush. Winnie...mush?...uh-yeah, I guess so. Now, all I do is wax eloquent on my gooey feelings and dreams and hopes.
And, much to the old W's chagrin, my current pulpy and softened personality has only been amplified by this separation. And I am only about to add on to the ick factor. (Talk about an intro, huh?)
Everyone is familiar with the old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I prefer to believe in "absence only magnifies the true nature of a relationship." Why? Well, for one, I had a relationship pre-Och that came under fire from my own doubts and resentments once a physical distance became established. It wasn't difficult at all to pull the plug on that. Now, in this case, with this enormous distance yawning between us, my feelings for my soldier remain constant.
And so although I have dreaded this, and I am still struggling to put myself to sleep at night, I am THANKFUL. That's right, folks...thankful. I am GLAD for this time when L and I are apart. (Okay, so don't you guys start putting in bets for how long we have until divorce papers are drafted...lemme 'splain.)
I see this now as a re-affirmation of what our marriage stands for. With him gone, I am able to note all the little things I have taken for granted while he was here. I am able to tally how much I want that man in my life. I am able to look past the grievances and complaints I had prior to his departure and see instead all of his redeeming traits. I am able to look forward to the promise of our future together. And I am THANKFUL for that opportunity to see my partner in this light.
Y'all may think I'm nuts, but I highly recommend this. Ship your hub over to a place in which his life is constantly in peril, leave him there for half a year, and see how you'd do without him. If you don't come out closer and stronger than ever afterwards, no amount of counseling will save you. Amen.