Early Morning Conversation

Mister Och was sent off to Montana yesterday for a very short and last-minute TDY, so I let my girls sleep in bed with me last night. This morning, after the mister called to tell me he was on his way home, I looked over to find Liv awake and smiling at me.

Liv: What mom?
me: What do you mean what?
Liv: What mom?
me: *silent*
Liv: Fourty-four?
me: Huh?
Liv: Yeah, it's forty-four...I farted!

I was about to laugh out loud, but realized baby girl was already sound asleep again. Another sleeptalker in the fam bam.

Excluded

Me: Are you excited that Daddy is coming home soon?
Sophia: Yeah! I can't wait!
Me: Me, neither! What do you want to do when he gets here?
Sophia: I'm taking him on a date!
Me: Oh, yeah? To where?
Sophia: I'm going to take him to Red Robin because he likes hamburgers.
Me: I'm sure he'd love to go to Red Robin! Do I get to go?
Sophia: Mmmmm. I'll think about it.
Me: What? You have to think about it? I always got to come along before!
Sophia: Mom, I TOLD you, I'm gonna think about it.
Me: How long do you have to think about it?
Sophia: MOM! If you keep asking, you won't go!

Uh-oh. I think the tables just turned on me.

LUV Letters

Dear Sophie,

First off, let me set the record straight and remind you (again) that I AM the BABY. That's right, you lost that title once I blessed the world with my presence. As I'm sure you remember, the youngest sibling ALWAYS gets her way. I am reaching out to you in the hopes we can work this amongst ourselves and spare Mom from pulling her hair out in clumps again. (I don't know about you, but it's just downright embarrassing having to be seen out in public with that woman when she's frazzled.) Here is a list of my complaints:

-When I say I want Go, Diego, Go on OUR (not just yours) TV, it simply means that. The only required action is for you to slip that particular disc into the slot and press play. This does NOT mean you can say, "But don't you want to watch Lion King, Liv?" and nod as if I'm agreeing with you. NOT cool.
-Speaking of Lion King, what is this sick obsession you have with this movie? I am SO tired of having you replay that end scene in which Simba roars on Pride Rock after he defeats Scar just so you can perch up on the bed and lip sync the roar. That's just plain old weird. You need to quit it; it freaks me out.
-You also need to stop telling Mom to say, "Look, Liv, Sophie's sleeping. Why aren't you?" or "Look, Liv, Sophie's eating HER food." I am fully aware of your actions. Reminders of the sort do nothing whatsoever to entice me to follow suit. If I am not sleeping, it's because I damn well choose not to. Same goes for the food. Got it?
-This is a BIG issue with us...PINCHING. I am done with all of that, you hear me? Nothing else ruins my day more than when you step into MY bath (remember, you always say 'no, I don't want to take a bath right now,' but end up joining me anyway?) and just pinch the hell out of me when you want the toy that I am playing with! Need I remind you...my current age allows for SO much more leniency in the TIME OUT punishments than your big girl five years does. Next time you pinch me again, I'll go ballistic on you AND get away with it. Take your own bath by YOURSELF and leave me in peace!

Those are just a few gripes I have with you. It's really not that hard to just do what I want. I AM pretty simple with my requests. If you would prefer, we can sit down and have a nice civilized talk about this while Mom is doing the dishes tomorrow.

Love, Olivia

Sleepwalking...Again

I guess tonight is quite an eventful night. First off, Sophie had a nightmare. Then, Mr. D takes a turn as well. He walks into my room, bleary eyed and scratching his belly and says this:

"Mom, do you think that the grass is...um...you know...like the grass is changed...so there's more space...like....um...they walk around with the space...and so I can watch it now?"

Uhhhh, yeah, sure, Dylan.

Happy Thoughts

I rushed to Sophie's bedside after hearing her cry.

Me: What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?
Soph: Yeah (still sobbing)
Me: What was it about?
Soph: I don't know.
Me: Were you scared?
Soph: Yeah.
Me: What do we do when nightmares scare us?
Soph: Think happy things.
Me: Yep. That's right. So we'll think of fluffy clouds...and rainbows...and chocolate...
Soph: And Toys r Us.
Me: I guess Toys r Us is a happy thought, isn't it? Okay, Toys R Us with all those toys like Barbies...and puzzles...and baby dolls...
Soph: Don't forget dinosaurs, mom. And lions. Dinosaurs and lions make me happy.
Me: Alright, sweetheart. Think of all your dinosaurs and lions and go back to sleep.

To each their own.

UH-OH

Liv, my nearly two-year-old, approaches me with pleading eyes:

"Mama...I want that PORN."

My eyes bug out in alarm..."What?!?"

She points to the bowl Mister D is holding, "I want some PORN!!!!"

"Ohhhhhh! You want some CORN! It's C-oh-rn, baby. C-OH-RN."

She smiles sweetly and nods, "Yeah!" She turns to Mister D, "Dih-nha, gimme your PORN!"

Oh, brother.

Yoda Speak

Liv, with her expanding communication skills, has adapted a very amusing way of getting her point across.

"Pinched me, Sophie did!"

"Love you, Livy does."

She sounds just like the little green Star Wars jedi! It's pretty funny. And although I should really teach her the correct way to formulate her sentences...it's just too cute not to enjoy.

Runs in the Fam

One day, when D was five years old, he and I were standing in line at a KFC waiting for our turn. Out of nowhere, he wrenched his hand free from my hold and approached the man standing in front of us. He lays his little hand on this man's potbelly and taps it gently, "You don't need any KFC."

I was mortified. Needless to say, we did not have KFC that night, as I dragged him out of there with the speed of lightning.


Now, five years later, we have gone without incident, at least in that matter. UNTIL, two days ago, the girls and I were at Walmart. A woman who was muffin topping, was apparently unaware her skin tight shirt had ridden up. We passed by, girls in cart, when Sophie reached over impulsively and smiled her sweet patronizing smile that she usually reserves for Liv.

She says, "Hi. You're shirt is too small."

Agggghhh!!! I quickly booked it out of there after an awkward apology. It seems this runs in the family.

Influence of Pop

Tonight, Livy-lo handed me a Berenstein Bears book titled "Going to the Doctor." She decidedly perched on my lap and waited patiently. Taking her cue, I opened the book and began to read. I didn't get very far because every time I read the word "Doctor" aloud, she would chime in with a "Pepper".

Laugh Box

During an attack from the tickle monster, Sophie was given a break long enough for her to gasp out a conversation.

Sophie: Mom! Stop! If I laugh too much, I'll break my square.
Mom : What's that?
Sophie: You know, the square in my blood.
Mom: In your blood? I don't know what that is.
Sophie: You know, my laugh box. You'll break my laugh box if you tickle me too much.

When I Grow Up

Sophie: I know what I want to do when I growed up.
Me: Oh, yeah? What is that?
Sophie: I can't wait to be growed up so I can use SCISSORS and KNIVES and SHARPIES! I'm SO excited!

Only grown ups can be SO privileged.

Speeding Things Up

This morning, alarmed by the sudden stillness of the Och household, I peeked down the hallway to catch Miss Sophie standing on her potty stool, frantically shoving two handfuls of M&M's from the Daddy Comes Home Countdown Jar into her face. I am so bummed I didn't sneak a quick picture before yelling out her name. Eyes wide with guilt, her head turns slowly to look at me, both hands still held against her face, holding the mounds of chocolate nuggets in her gaping mouth...it was priceless!

After managing to hold down the gag reflex while she deposited the drool-soaked M&M's into my hands, I asked her...

Me: Why were you trying to eat all of the chocolates all at once? You could have choked!
Sophie: But, Mom! You said when the chocolates are all gone, Dad will come home!

Poor child. She misses her Daddy so much.

Charlie Brown and Dookie

As part of Fam Och's holiday traditions, we start watching holiday-themed movies/cartoons starting the day after Thanksgiving. Last night, Charlie Brown's Christmas was put in for the kids' viewing pleasure while I went out to yoga.

Sophie: Dad, where does Dookie live?
Lou: Who?
Sophie: Dookie! Where does he live?
Lou: Who's Dookie?
Sophie points impatiently at the screen: That dog!
Lou: Oh! That's SNOOPY, Sophie.
Sophie: OHHHHH! I thought his name is Dookie.

Hmmmm.

SNOOPY....DOOKIE....SNOOPY...DOOKIE...

Ohkay.

A Simple Wish

While being tucked in bed by Daddy, Sophie took on a very sad face complete with pouting lip.

Sophie: Dad, I really really want a trash can and tv in my room.
Lou: Well, we can pick out a trash can, but we can't get you a tv.
Sophie: But you can just put it on with screws and nails!

My gosh! Not only did she want her own tv (the girl is 4!) BUT she wanted a flat panel mounted on her wall also!!!

All for Fashion

I was struggling with putting Liv's hair in pigtails.

Liv: Ouch! Ow! Ouch!
Me: Just a little bit more, Livy.
Sophie: You gotta sack the fice, Livy!
I turn to her. Me: What did you say?
Sophie: She needs to "sack the fice" to look good! *pause* Mom, what's a "fice"?

It took me a bit...but sacrifice for fashion shouldn't even be a concept a four-year-old should understand!