These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

I am afflicted with belenophobia (fear of needles), and the Air Force bi-yearly blood test requirement is not one I look forward to. Actually, my name was flagged for a test three months back already. Every monthly drill weekend, I'd blow it off and find an excuse somehow to "forget" or "not be able to make it" to the clinic to give my sample. I couldn't slither away this time.


The phlebotomist hobbles in the cramped room, blood sucking tools in hand, followed by the first sergeant. The first sergeant asks him, "You should stay seated and take it easy. Do you need anything? A Motrin?"

I darted a nervous look at my needle guy, attempting to ascertain his competency of handling such a delicate procedure with my veins. He shrugs, "Nah, I'm fine. I'm pretty doped up on Percocet and Vicodin already."

Yikes!!!

Roughly, he shoves my uniform sleeve up, exposing my inner arm and ties a purple elastic around it. "Now pump your fist," he orders.

My this time, I had conjured up a cold sweat, but I reluctantly obeyed. Iattempted to calm myself, reasoning that aforementioned pharmaceuticals are considered sedatives, and so my poor arm should be fine. But he comes at me with that sharp pointy thing, and his hand was shaking! Not trembling slightly...but seriously shaking!!! WTF?!?! Cold sweat back in full force. It went off without a hitch...but by golly...that was just about the most nervous I have been.

I had smugly assumed this would have to be the most excitement I would get this weekend. BUT, NO.....the fates have conspired against me. Today, I got flagged for another test...drug screening. This entails me squatting over a clear plastic dixie cup as I deposit my urine all the while trying no to pee on myself while under the close eye of the golden flow monitor.

Could this weekend get any better? Not only did I have to deal with the spastic phlebotomist, but I also had to urinate with someone else looking at my hooha? My girlfriend is for privileged eyes only, thank you. And drug testing monitors are NOT on the VIP list!!!

Gotta love it!

Fears

It's not the actual separation that gets me. Really. This is our fourth time being apart for more than four months. Routines can be made, schedules filled up to take time, and then there's that anticipation for the reunion. I miss him. I'm a touchy feely type person, and it is quite different not having my snuggle buddy around. BUT, it's all good for the most part.

It's that fear of losing him. It's bad enough during the every days. I'm a worrier when it comes to him and the kids. As a mother, I am cursed with "worst-case-scenario-thinking" in which I actually conjure images in my mind of anything and everything that can go wrong that could hurt or kill them. Usually, I don't torment myself with this type of paranoia when it concerns the hub when he's nearby.

It just doesn't help matters much when I am handed updated general and special powers of attorney along with his last will and testament before he leaves. It's the smart thing to do, of course. But that particular stack of documents make the danger SO real for me. Along with the dicussions of how we'll communicate throughout this time, and the vacation we'll go on when he gets back, we also have to talk about other morbid details should he not come home breathing. It's the most difficult thing accepting although it is just a slight possibility.

During the goodbye today, I tried to just memorize every little feature of his face and his smile and his wonderful laugh...fighting to keep that frightening thought off that it could be the last time I held him.

Okay, I got that out of my system! I HATE thinking that! AAAGGGHHHH! Now that's outta the way...Time to start drafting my task lists and thoroughly cleaning the house. Off to work!

Nerves

Mr. D is the one of our three born with a halo; one to follow rules and always always eager to please. He prefers structure and routine, and definitely walks the line. The one thing that gets to me, however, is his (how do I say it delicately?) fearful nature. He is our worrier, concerned about sicknesses and diseases, backup plans, and schedules. But the one thing he is most afraid of is hypodermic needles. (Good thing, I won't have to worry much about intravenous drugs with him.)
But it's flu season, and Fam Och is the type of fam that benefits from the flu shot. Others do perfectly fine without it...we don't. And so, tonight, we herded the brood over to the flu shot clinic, and my little man reacted the worst of all three. He wouldn't stop talking about it all day, announcing his countdown in hour increments. I tried to reassure him as best I could, reminding him that he has received the same darn shot every year and he turned out fine. The logic seemed to escape him, and the countdown continued, but with an added,"Mom, don't get mad if I cry."
When his turn came up, he froze and tensed up and started yelling out loud in short bursts. L tried to distract him, but the only way he looked away was for L to grab his face and force it in the direction of the wall. He was so consumed with fear, he didn't even realize the shot was already administered.
Now, the boy is ten years old. L and I have realized that this may be a long-standing phobia that will accompany him to adulthood. We have tried all sorts of different approaches to address the issue: gentle re-assurance (it seems to feed the fear monster even more) and tough love (but we're afraid this will make him feel inferior). So as of right now, L and I are at a loss of what we need to do to alleviate his fears.

What would you do in our shoes? What fears slash phobias do you have? What do you do to help the issue out?