Proud

"Fine! Kill each other!" my father handed both my sister and I a steak knife each in the midst of one our more infamous brawls.

It was a classic love-hate sibling relationship. Born three years apart, our ages were far enough to have significant differences between us, but close enough to forge a close friendship. My mother would always shake her head in frustration, "Ka-da-dalawa nyo lang, nag-aaway pa kayo." (You only have each other, and still you fight.)

I suppose rivalry is an unavoidable factor between siblings, especially between sisters. As the older one, I remember feeling impatience with her stubborn and headstrong persona. I would boil over her expectations for me to pick up the pieces of her problems. But conflictingly, I relished in my role as the big sister, helping her decide what to plant in her new garden, making all the Christmas treats even when she came with the promise of "helping," and shouldering the ultimate responsibility of tucking her under my wing to protect her from anything that would prove harmful. Funny, when we were little, I would dominate and hit her at my discretion...but nobody else better dare because nobody hurt MY sister, except for myself, that is.

Today, I felt that urge to come to her defense once more in response to an unthoughtful and uncalled for attack from someone we both knew. As I seethed in my anger, I had to take a step back and let her deal on her own. As I observed her handle the situation, I could only feel an overwhelming sense of pride. She, who has overcome countless adversities to get to where she's at in her life right now, handled herself and capably responded in a manner only she could. My baby sister did not need me to come to her aid this time around.

My desire to protect you may never fully wane, and you may turn me away in the instances I offer unneeded assistance. Our roles may have turned us as into equals now, but know that I can never fully abandon my duties as the big sister, and the offer of help or advice or both will always be out there for you to take whenever you need it. I am SO proud of you. Luv you to bits.