Short Jokes

"How tall ARE you?"--"Stand up, Winnie!"--"You make a good armrest."--"What's it like being so much closer to the ground?"

I am 4'9", thank you. Actually, maybe even a bit shorter. My AF recruiter taught me how to raise just one heel during the MEPS height measurement to add even an inkling to my stature, because when he measured me himself, I was a measly 4'8"3/4. Regardless, I still required a more thorough physical exam than those over 4'11" and a height waiver to be admitted into our military.

My height, or lack thereof never bothered me, even when my little sister shot up and joined the ranks of those who could literally look down at me. I was accustomed to the frequent "short" jokes and the pre-requisite inquiry about my official height. "Shorty" was an endearment directed toward me way before it ever became inducted into the Ebonics dictionary. "Hey Shorty, it's your birthday," was being sung at my high school before 50Cent learned to rap.

There are probably many similarly vertically-challenged people who would want nothing more than to gain an inch or six. But not me, I've actually enjoyed being this short, for the most part, at least. It makes me who I am, and especially in Utah, the land of the white giants, it makes me pretty unique walking around the mall hauling my three rugrats while pre-pubescents mill about towering over me.

Short jokes, I even find funny. For those of you who know me, you know I'm always up for a good laugh, and that I would be the first to make fun of myself. I find that self-deprecating humor always seem to get the biggest laughs anyway.

It's just those who can't seem to think of NOTHING more to say than an overplayed joke EVERY time I run into them that really fire up my temper. Let me make this disclaimer: friends and neighbors are NOT part of this category. It's the occassional co-worker that usually inspires my ire.

So there's this short, bald, rotund man I work with who thinks he is just so slapping-his-leg funny whenever he calls attention to my proximity to the ground. I laughed at first, but I noticed he did this EVERY single time I spoke to him. EVERY time. Now WHY in heavens would someone do that other than to: 1) be mean-spirited or 2) fill the void in his malfunctioning cerebrum, and this recycled material was all his intellect could muster. Who knows? But I am finding myself acquiring a definite dislike for this poor poor guy.

This blog is nothing but an opportunity to vent. Don't quit with the short jokes. Actually, I CHALLENGE you to come up with one I haven't heard of before. Obviously, since I live this joke every day of my life, I think it would be near impossible for you to do so. If I laugh uncontrollably at your next short joke, I'll owe you lunch!