LUV Letters

Dear Sophie,

First off, let me set the record straight and remind you (again) that I AM the BABY. That's right, you lost that title once I blessed the world with my presence. As I'm sure you remember, the youngest sibling ALWAYS gets her way. I am reaching out to you in the hopes we can work this amongst ourselves and spare Mom from pulling her hair out in clumps again. (I don't know about you, but it's just downright embarrassing having to be seen out in public with that woman when she's frazzled.) Here is a list of my complaints:

-When I say I want Go, Diego, Go on OUR (not just yours) TV, it simply means that. The only required action is for you to slip that particular disc into the slot and press play. This does NOT mean you can say, "But don't you want to watch Lion King, Liv?" and nod as if I'm agreeing with you. NOT cool.
-Speaking of Lion King, what is this sick obsession you have with this movie? I am SO tired of having you replay that end scene in which Simba roars on Pride Rock after he defeats Scar just so you can perch up on the bed and lip sync the roar. That's just plain old weird. You need to quit it; it freaks me out.
-You also need to stop telling Mom to say, "Look, Liv, Sophie's sleeping. Why aren't you?" or "Look, Liv, Sophie's eating HER food." I am fully aware of your actions. Reminders of the sort do nothing whatsoever to entice me to follow suit. If I am not sleeping, it's because I damn well choose not to. Same goes for the food. Got it?
-This is a BIG issue with us...PINCHING. I am done with all of that, you hear me? Nothing else ruins my day more than when you step into MY bath (remember, you always say 'no, I don't want to take a bath right now,' but end up joining me anyway?) and just pinch the hell out of me when you want the toy that I am playing with! Need I remind you...my current age allows for SO much more leniency in the TIME OUT punishments than your big girl five years does. Next time you pinch me again, I'll go ballistic on you AND get away with it. Take your own bath by YOURSELF and leave me in peace!

Those are just a few gripes I have with you. It's really not that hard to just do what I want. I AM pretty simple with my requests. If you would prefer, we can sit down and have a nice civilized talk about this while Mom is doing the dishes tomorrow.

Love, Olivia